“Normal”

I remember taking this photo. It was such a great day. Gentle breeze, sun was slowly setting, and the expression of love was right there. The light was just above the rim of her hat and the way they looked at each other… I had the biggest smile on my face! So glad I captured it. It was a normal day.

Normal has definitely taken on a new meaning.  When that first seizure happened in July, I can remember hoping and praying that it was a one-time event. Maybe her brain tripped for that one instance and that was all. But as she had more and more seizures, that hope, that optimistic assumption that an answer and solution would be given to us slowly faded. We would have to live with these seizures. This would be the new normal. For those who are unfamiliar with unprovoked seizures, or epilepsy, finding a solution is not an exact science. We’ve given her different medications and different doses of the medications. There have been numerous blood tests and scans and I think we’ve seen all the paediatricians and paediatric neurologists in all the local hospitals. It’s a long, tiring and sometimes very frustrating process. It’s “normal”. 

This is the new normal and it’s not because of the amount of seizures she’s been through, it’s because we need to be normal for her. We need to smile, we need to play, we need to dress her up in the cutest clothes and we need to be a family. It’s brought us closer then we have ever been and it’s brought us a new perspective on family and faith. 

It’s about 4pm and she has had 3 seizures today. I consider this a not so good day. That brings us to 94 and my heart breaks as we creep closer to that century mark. There are times that I lay her down as she has an event but today I wanted to hold her. I wanted her to know that mommy and daddy love her and are waiting for her to come back to us. 

We love you peanut.